“My coworker is scary.” I must confess, I’ve been planning this dysfunction for quite some time, and since this is October, the month of creepy ghouls and ghastly ghosts, I thought, “how appropriate.” But these aren’t just entertaining campfire tales. There is a personal story behind each and every scary coworker I’m going to expose. Throughout my workplace adventures, I’ve barely escaped the clutches of office zombies, emotional vampires, workplace werewolves and corporate conjurers. My story begins with my first real corporate job. I distinctly remember my first day of work as I was walking down the spooky, dimly lit back office hallway looking for the bathroom. And there walking towards me lurched an older female co-worker. Her hair was disheveled, her clothes tattered and outdated and she had a distinct decaying odor. As she slowly crept towards me, her dead eyes staring off blankly, I went from curious to worried in a heartbeat. We reached each other and I timidly said “hello.” She didn’t respond, brushed passed me oblivious to the physical contact with my sleeve and continued down the hallway. It was my first real encounter with an office zombie. And the thing about office zombies, when there’s one, there are always more. I barely made it out with my brains intact from that job…
This month, we’ll tackle the following scary coworkers, creepy colleagues, banshee bosses and eerie employees:
- The Office Zombies – Surviving their brain numbing existence is not for the faint of heart
- The Workplace Werewolf – One minute, a mild-mannered colleague. The next, he/she is leaping over the cubicle and attempting to rip your face off
- The Emotional Vampire – Charming, they lure you into their presence and suck the life out of you until all that is left is an empty exhausted shell
- The Corporate Conjurer – The office witch or wizard, this sinister coworker can cast spells on the most innocent of colleagues to do their bidding
This month will not have any prescription on how you handle these beasties. No. We’ll be pulling out the silver bullets for this task. Stay tuned, look sharp, cover any exposed flesh, and don’t eat any apples lying about. Scary coworkers are not to be taken lightly.