Eighteen months into the pandemic life, one of the most interesting and repetitive comments I’m hearing from clients is that they’re feeling a loss of community. While we’re still working, many of us are doing so remotely and it’s not meeting the need for personal interaction that our workplaces used to provide. One client shared with me…

“My workplace used to be my source for community. Part of my identity was going to my office and working with my people. I was part of a team and I felt really connected there. Now, work is just work. I’m at home, but there is no community. It’s just me, my spouse, and our kids. And I just find I am truly missing having that sense of community in my life.”

Like I said, this is a regular refrain these days. But before we fix the problem, we have to define it.

So, just what is “community”?

What community is NOT (Hint: Community is NOT Collaboration)

First, what community is not, is collaboration. It’s easy to confuse the two because they both share elements of people coming together for a common purpose. But because you can one-off collaborate with someone and never see them again, that’s not true “community.” Community implies regularity. It requires predictability. So yes, while technology like MS Teams, Zoom and Slack are fantastic collaboration tools, they are not necessarily community-building tools. You don’t have to work with someone to build community. In fact, the communities most people identify as important to them have nothing to do with working together. It’s more about the intangibles community delivers.

What community IS (Hint: Think “Family”)

Community provides us with a sense of Place. People often describe it as that feeling of finding your home. It’s about belonging. It’s about being part of a group where you feel known and appreciated.  There are a lot of examples of where this can happen. We talk about faith communities and going to a place of worship as a form of shared community. There are things like cosplay groups where people connect and attend events like a Comic Con convention. Running groups and sports teams allow members to share in a common purpose for exercise and fitness. Obviously, the list goes on. The point is, these are the places people talk about being known by others and being part of something bigger than themselves.

So, when my clients tell me they’re looking to build more community in their life, that is, when they’re hoping to find their Place, my advice to them is to do it by focusing on three very important Ps.

Find Your Place with These 3 Ps

Passions

First, I encourage them to focus on their Passions. Strong community is built on a common shared interest. Whether it is growing your faith, dressing up in a costume or becoming a healthier version of yourself through exercise, the people involved know they have come together for a particular purpose and are united in achieving that for themselves and encouraging others in their pursuits as well.

Predictability

Second, real community happens with a consistent, repetitive rhythm. In order to feel a part of something, there has to be something! You’ll want to plug in to your group with a regular cadence. Focus on regularity, even if there’s not a specific group. I talked to one client about a restaurant he and his wife love in his town. They decided they would build community for themselves by eating dinner every Thursday at that place and sitting at “their” table. That way they got to know the regular wait staff and diners who frequented the same day and time. They created their own kind of dinner club community and it worked for them.

Participation

Third, your part in community is that you have to show up. Your job is to engage with consistency. You can’t build community if you’re not playing a part in it. So, when the group meets, you’ll need to be there. When there’s a discussion, you need to share. It’s all about taking time to connect with people.

In-Person

I realize not everyone has resumed regular in-person meetings. If you’re still concerned about participating in a public way with people, I urge you to find community virtually. The key is to not make it a work-related activity. Again, start with finding similar passions and interests of the people you want to “hang out” with. For example, my wife is an aspiring author. Every Wednesday she has an on-line writing group that meets so that the community members can share about their current projects.  Another friend of mine has found a personal healing community in a weekly on-line group meeting. Other friends of mine host a virtual Bible study for ten couples every Sunday morning. Again, passions, predictability and participation are key.

I will say that while I believe community can be built virtually, it won’t provide the same satisfaction as in-person community. It might be an adequate Band-aid but won’t wholly fix the problem until we can be with people in a real way again. I think we’ve come to recognize there is real power in being together as people. Human beings were built to be in community; we’re pack animals and by nature we don’t do this solo thing very well. There’s a benefit to being with others that we can’t quite describe because until now we’ve never not known community. We just know it’s unsettling. We know we’re missing something. And that something is others.

So, for now, do what you can to claim community for yourself, whether it’s URL or IRL. Find that place where everybody knows your name and they’re always glad you came. You can do it by focusing on your Passion, Predictability and Participation. I guarantee it will have a profound impact on your daily life.