Theresa was a workplace rock star. For over a decade, it seemed like everything Theresa touched turned to gold. Her golden touch became legendary within her organization. Her company would routinely parachute her into a turnaround situation and despite the odds, she would somehow find a way out. That summed up the first 15 years of Theresa’s career.
Then one day, it all changed. During a particularly challenging turnaround situation, things blew up on Theresa. She, for the first time in her career, had failed. Now, to any objective outsider it was obvious that the failure was not the result of Theresa’s actions. The failure was simply a product of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. But to Theresa, the defeat was devastating. That failure lingered with Theresa to the point that for the last 5 years, she hasn’t been the same. She questions her own decisions. She is reluctant to speak up in leadership meetings and fears that she has fallen out of favor with corporate. Theresa has lost her confidence in a big and bad way.
This month, we are going to address this debilitating dysfunction: “I’ve lost my confidence.” The side effects can be catastrophic. When the voice inside our head that tells us we can “do anything” hits the road for a long vacation, self-doubt creeps in and camps out. Others sense there is a new resident in town and over time our brand changes. We may end up with any or all of these unfortunate labels:
- He / she lacks confidence
- He / she doesn’t have executive presence
- He / she over thinks things
- He / she is not decisive
- He / she works hard but not smart
- He / she is not strategic
- He / she is not leadership potential
- Who is he / she? I’ve never heard of them…
There are numerous events can send our confidence packing. Consider any of the following “confidence busters”:
Laid off – We are let go for perhaps the first time in our careers. The message is clearly sent that we are no longer wanted.
A new role – We are put into a new role that is so foreign to us that we over think things in an effort to not screw up.
A new boss – We get a boss that fails to appreciate us like prior bosses. For the first time we have a boss who seems to see all the things wrong with us versus all the things that are right.
A new company or industry – We join a new company or industry that is completely outside of our comfort zone. Toto, we aren’t in Kansas anymore.
Battle scars – Like the story of Theresa, we are too close to an explosion and the PTSD has caused us to second guess ourselves in every way.
This month, we are going to take on this debilitating dysfunction. I have one simple objective, to get your mojo, your groove, your swagger, your (insert confidence word here) back.
Time to give self-doubt the boot and bring confidence back from its long hiatus.
Is there a second part to this article?
Madison,
Yes, in fact there are 5 more parts. Simply look directly above the comment section here and you’ll see a section entitled “You may also like.” That section always has all of the related articles to the first one. Check ’em out and I hope you find them helpful!
What if I have all 5 events occur in past 2years –
Wow. All 5 events over any short period of time would test your resilience in a serious way. The question then becomes “how are you doing today?”
Well, I have found you.
I left my company of 11 word working successful years and started a new venture 14 months ago, everything has been going great, until what I thought was depression and anxiety set in out of no where, I hid it at first, which caused frustration and anger and I became agitated with my colleagues ( I’m a warehouse/distribution manager ) I lost my confidence, my fear of making mistakes and getting reprimanded was heightened and my patience was negligible.
After a few months of trying to project a false image of confidence I finally broke down.
I am now off work, and receiving counseling however whilst this is Ok and whilst I have the full support of my employers it’s my confidence I need to rebuild, along with a sense of embarrassment… failure… guilt and shame.
I will read your notes with hope.
I am like SD…. ALL things have happened to me in the last 1 month and sometimes I feel like I’m sinking. I’ve started putting things off to the last min just so that I don’t have to deal with them. This creates even further pressure, anxiety and worst of all MISTAKES ! ughhh…
in my last job people were vicious. They gave me hell over some minor things and I literally lost all my confidence. Finally they told me to just go. I luckily found this awesome new job at a great company. But.. things are SO new to me…and I need to perform everyday at work…and I feel like I’m not good enough. I can’t handle the thought of getting fired again 🙁 I don’t think things are THAT bad here as of now but..I feel I’m fucking up.
Please HELP
except the first 1, all other hits me. i take new role in a new company with a new manager. i faced the criticized which is never before in my work life, company promote all others peer in 1 go except me. i look for new job, but hesitate, no confident to take up… but i knew i cant stay in this company, as the environment will sink me deeper.
I’ve lost more than just my confidence.. I’ve lost my will to live. I hate myself.. I use to be a vibrant man.. always on the go.. happy in my life… Then failure after failure hit me.. I have NO family left alive.. not one person to turn to. I got divorced 7 yrs ago and haven’t even tried to date another woman..because I feel no one would want me. Within 6 months of my divorce I was laid off from the best job I ever had.. I went 2 yrs without a job and finally took a lousy job making 10$ an hour.. barely enough to survive.. nobody will hire me… I’m now 56 and barely scrap by. I lost all my friends.. I Isolated myself because I was ashamed of who I became… I gained a lot of weight. I have no confidence at all and I mean none.. I don’t trust my own decisions.. I don’t have ANYONE in my life.. I work my job and stay in my dumpy apartment just waiting to die. I have no money or insurance to pay for any kind of Therapy… I don’t see a way out of this hole.
Frank, my heart goes out to you. It sounds like life has dealt you one bad hand after another, and it has definitely taken its toll. If I could wave a magic wand for you, I would wish for you a support network, a better job and a spark of hope in your life. I want that for you. Let me know if I can help in any way to help you. No one should feel alone in this messy world. – Brandon
I have been trying to recover my confidence for 8 years now. I had a family a family tragedy, had more work than I could cope with put onto me and a cancer scare and threat of redundancy all at the same time and began to fail at work. It is only now that I look back and realize nobody would have coped well with all that. It is still hard as my confidence in my ability has gone and I find myself taking jobs that are unskilled and poorly paid just so I don’t fail at them.
Confidence can be a delicate and fickle thing. I have found that it is a “one day at a time” strategy. Find things and people that can boost your confidence and try to fill your days with those activities. Once you feel “full,” stretch to something outside of your comfort zone and practice the same thing. Give it a try!
Hi , except 1 rest is happening currently with me . I used to be on the ball and most important team member . Now with new job I have a new manager who is new to job as well as role , new domain . I am expected to lead the program which I thought I could but day by day I can feel that I am not performing . I am quite in meetings where I am suppose to be leading . I am withdrawn in discussions. When I stand aside n see what’s going on I feel I am all new person about whom I never knew. I have had sleepless nights . Gathered myself with fresh mind and walked into work considering I’ll make it up yet failing continuously. Unsure how to tackle the crisis before I’m lost completely. I was a dynamic individual now seeing myself turn into an underperforming person it’s hard. Any opinions are welcome
This is me. I thrived at my career for years until I got hit with an illness. I never fully recovered- I ended up getting a sleep disorder in the end. Despite my sleepiness, my love and devotion for my job never stopped… but then the complaints starting coming. I had to “pick up the pace”.
For awhile, I fought the statement. I would say that my disability slowed me down, but it didn’t affect any other aspect of my job. My skill even continued to improve. Time after time, all I would hear about is my timing.. despite hitting good numbers and becoming a well known name in my industry due to the quality of my work.
The last reprimandation broke me. I couldn’t handle hearing it anymore. I was told that others were slowing down because of me, and that an employee with my expertise had zero reason to take so long. I have no idea what to do now. I’m away on medical leave right now, because the thought of my job brings me to tears. The anxiety and depression is now keeping back from enjoying anything in life. I don’t know how to get back to where I was, because any employer would hate to have someone working so slowly. 🙁
May… I’m no expert whatsoever – except perhaps at being low in confidence with my career nowadays.. but… in my humble opinion ….slowly… seek help… and slowly… begin to leave that job and that environment…